Valentines Day Story: A Neverending Love
by Lees on February 15, 2007
Once upon a time there was a boy. His name was little Ronny Dinsboo despite the fact that he wasn't all that little. Ronny, or Georgette as he liked to be called, was lonely. All day he sat in his desk (because he had trouble getting out of it on account of his size) and when all the other kids were out to recess he just sat there all alone and drew pictures. Some of his cat, some of his classmates, and some of his teacher, who he had a crush on and when he was having a bad day would picture naked.
This behavioiur continued all through grade school and even progressed into junior high and high school. When Ronny was in grade 12 he began to contemplate his life choices. He realized how pathetic and fat he was but felt he was beyond help and could never change. That is until he recieved IT. The sun. The moon. The "elixir of life" so to speak. Little Ronny recieved his first ever Valentine. This special Valentine came from the most popular girl in the school. Maxine Maximus (unfortunate name don't you think) was blond, and by all modern day standards, a complete bombshell.
Ronny was stunned when she handed it to him with her graceful hands and perfume that floated up to him and swirled in and out of his rolls. SHe giggled something into his ear about how he was such a nice boy and happy valentines day and she hoped he was doing well before traipsing down the hallway back to the group of the jocks and cheerleaders.His mouth hung agape and he stared at her pretty plump ass swishing all nice and all. When he opened the Valentine he was even more surprised. Inside she had written a bit of an invitation, asking him to supper that night and a fancy little French restaurant called Le Zut.
That night Ronny waddled down to the restaurant in a sad attempt at dressing up. His rolls poked out from the waist of his pants, creating a muffin top and the buttons would periodically pop off of his shirt. He looked like a fat guy in a suit that didn't fit, which makes sense because that's what he was.
He sat at that damn restaurant for seven hours but Maxine never showed. He was forced to leave when the restaurant closed and he waddled on home.
The next day a picture was posted on the internet and stratejically pasted around the school. It was of Little Ronny sitting alone at the table and the caption read "Walruses always eat alone and never mate and when they do eat they eat a lot and get fat and they get too fat to mate and that's what walruses do".
Ronny cried and cried and cried and cried. He was so depressed that he decided to change his life. He began to eat healthy and exercise and eventually he lost weight. When he went back to his high school reunion no one recognized him and he appreciated that. He was a waiter there. Just because someone's skinny they can't just get any job they want you know. Plus he had all that extra skin from when he was fat so it was pretty gross and everyone felt sick from looking at him.
So here's the moral of the story and the real reason for Valentine's Day: It's not just a holiday, it's a kick in the ass that tells you to get a life. Especially if you're alone and are reading this...or writing this...shutup...hoe...... WALRUSES ARE PEOPLE TOO!!
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